I have a date with Mrs MM.....

Hi everyone

I hope all are coping well.

I have one wife on my hands who has been around to my parents house and told them their daughter has been sleeping with her husband.

This women wants to talk to me and I am going to speak to her.

My aim is to diffuse the situation and pacify her as much as i can. I do not want to cause further trouble for myself, my family and MM.

I dont know what she wants from me, what answers can i give her. All i can say is that i am sorry for hurting her, but it sounds rather pathetic. I am not going to try and shift the blame onto MM, i will say sorry and that i should have thought more about the consequences of my actions before i did what i did, but all i can do is only apologise.

What should i do, how can i get rid of this women?

I would appreciate advice if anyone can offer me some guidance

I have been faced with the same situation. the thing is, if oyu are still sleeping with her husband, do NOT talk with her. If you have ended things and are truly remorseful, then answer her questions. she will ask you where, when, how many times, was it good, what did you do....she will also start piecing together all the stories her husband told her that were excuses to see you...she will be filing this all in her head for future attacks, so beware.

You can diffuse the situation by asking HER more questions than she asks you, but sometimes that is difficult...remember to meet in a public place..you just NEVER know what lies in the heart of the person who was cheated on!

I hate to say this, but you will never be "rid" of her, now that she knows who you are. The best you can hope to do is pacify her and get her off your back til she wants more answers. You have earned yourself a lifelong enemy. A few weeks back the wife of the MM I was involved with told me "you will always be the woman who took something that wasn't yours to take away from me."

The affair was only partially my fault, and I only accept my part of the blame, I don't and never will accept his blame for him. I gave her brief, true answers, and left the door open for her to contact me again if she felt a need to. If you tell her she can't contact you again, that is only going to make her want to that much more. Answer her questions, do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT meet her in private or by yourself, these situations can become very volatile and/or violent. Take a trusted friend with you to sit within an eyes view and meet her somewhere like a restaurant off peak hours or at a picnic table in view of other people.

Also, keep in mind what he has told her likely is NOT what he has told you. Likely, he has lied to you about her and her about you, so there will be discrepancies. It is not up to you to explain or tell the whole story. You might want to give her a limit. Say "ten questions and I'm done." Give honest answers but don't tell her the whole story, that is up to him.

Also, please buy and read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. For this situation, it is the most valuable book I have read. We are here for you.

She hates you. She has reason to. Don't put yourself at any risk.

I am not being hard on you. I also took something from my MM's wife that wasn't mine to take. I was wrong, selfish and hurt her in ways nobody else ever has or will. She has reason to hate me, I would hate her if she had done to me what I did to her and her family.

Just take care of yourself. Let us know how it goes.

Lisa's notes are 100% right on..print them out and follow them!

Thank you all for this advice

Her husband has told her lies about the affair. I don't want to speak to him again and i dont want to go over the whole thing With him to get the story straight. So i cant give her details of when and where etc.

How did she find out PA? Didn't you two end things back around Christmastime?

she found out in the summer last year, she sent me an email in the summer, but then i heard nothing until she turned up out of the blue at parents home on Monday, without any warning.

MM and i stopped seeing each other for 2 months after she found out and then carried on again late in the autumn. She didnt and doesnt know about the second part.

She tried to forget about it, but clearly she still wants answers from me.

She says i have got off scot free. Which as you guys all know is not true, we have to deal with the issue of illicit love that will never have a happy ending. None of us went out deliberately to cause any harm.

Just curious..why would she go straight to your parents rather than straight to you...I think it's to inflict as much pain as possible...how are your parents dealing with the situation?

do you see how this escalates? Next, she will target where you work, she'll even contact your kids if you have them, and she will contact your friends in an effort to inflict as much embarrassment as possible.

I know my MW's husband went straight to her office and talked to her boss..her boss pulled her into the office to try to diffuse the situation, but the MW's reputation was harmed. I know he tried getting to me through her boss (I have done work for their organization) but somehow they just could not tie me in on the situation...it all eventually went away, but MW has since reduced her hours at that office to the point where they have since let her go....it happens! Just take Lisa's advice....you just never know what the ulterior motive is!

After dealing with my MM's W I can certainly tell you it is never really over. Even now after a yr of the A being over his W calls me when he don't come home on time or he suddenly changes his schedule. She blames me & since I am the one she knows about, it is me that she comes too. She is trying to get more out of me to try to use against him. I told her straight out that it is up to him to tell her everything that happened. That if she doesn't believe him then there is nothing I can do for her. I did accept my part of hurting her. I did say that I was under the impression that they were separated & getting a D. (which was true at the time. They were living in separate homes) I did say how sorry I was for hurting her. But I asked her to talk to him & if she really loved him, she needed to decide wether she really wanted to stay believing in what he said or moving on in her life without him.

I wasn't trying to be rude in anyway, but the reality of it is...you won't be believed in some form or another. You hurt her & no matter what he has said to you, truth or not, she will think you should have not been with him no matter the circumstance, he was hers. He made a promise to her & to her alone. Do be brief with your answers. Don't give too much detail. Ask her to keep your family out of it. She tried to hurt your family because you hurt hers. Try to think of what you would do if you were in her shoes. More than likely she went to your family because you didn't answer her email to her liking. Also ask her to talk all this over with her husband. In my cause I actually went over to their house! She asked me questions & I answered them. He had the opportunity to defend his actions & to say what ever he wanted. We kept it between us (the 3 of us). We could say what we wanted & didn't have to worry about the public overhearing anything. Yes we were all nervous & uncomfortable at first, but we got through it & after about 2 hrs we all came to an agreement. I agreed not to talk to MM anymore & she agreed to keep my family & friends out of it, as I did hers. He agreed to try to work things out with her & really try. And Yes, I even asked him straight out in front of her if he loved her, he said yes.

I'm not saying what I did was right or wrong, but I did get everything out in the open without giving details. She knew something was between us & he knew that I wasn't gonna lie for him. She doesn't know how deep our connection was, nor does she know how long the A was. (Unless he has now confessed the details of our A) But ultimately they both had to face the reality that their marriage wasn't built on solid ground. They have the opportunity to work it out, it is now up to them to do so, and that was the best thing I could have done. For me it was the only way to really say "I'm sorry, I was wrong."

You can try to prepare all you want but until you are there in front of her you don't really know what to do. Just try too imagine yourself in her shoes. Remember she is hurting, she will try to lash out. Treat her the way you would want her to teat you if things were reversed. I wish you all the peace in the world with this situtation.

Hugs,
May