When did you realize

Hi All~

I was thinking about this a lot...at what point or what was the straw that broke the camel's back that got you to stop! Even though I struggle with my feelings about MW....I am struggling with it all as my life slips back into my own...and I am not sure if I have hit that moment of the camel's back breaking, but I am at a point of not feeling the feelings i used to have about her...

your thoughts?

I don't think there is really a straw. For me it was really thinking & being honest with myself. I was thinking what would I do if he came to me & said he got the D and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I really thought about this & realized that if he could so easily lie to his W & have an A while married to her, then marriage vows don't mean as much to him as they do to me. I don't want to have to go through what his W is going through now, so why put myself in that situtation? Once I was honest enough with myself about that I decided enough was enough. I still love him to my very core, but as much as I love him I couldn't handle him cheating on me. I had to walk away for my own sanity.

Interesting Question, SD!

Is this part of the site open to the public?

I would say that me and my MM have been through many stages. There have been moments where I have had enough, but he has done more for me than even anyone in my own family. He has stuck up for me, fought for me, and gone out of his way above and beyond any friend, EVER!

Therefore, I want us to stay in touch and stay friends. There are days I miss him so much that it is agony. I feel safe with him like I have never felt with anyone. But, I could not stand to break up his family. My husband is doing better, it hasn't been easy, but he is doing better, so I am going to keep trying.

I am not sure what my breaking point would be. My husband has been so neglectful, yet I haven't hit my breaking point with him.
That's a tough call. When I love, I love hard!

Mandy

There are people that lurk on this site from time to time..it is relatively hidden so not many people know we're here.

I think there comes a point in everyone's life where you start either pulling away or you get tired of the situation at hand and then you start living your life. I think from what you have told me previously, that you are on a path of your life of taking control. I think that once you start earning your own money, getting your career on track , you will find yourself needing something else in your life.

It's kind of strange, but I find myself being VERY spiritual and i do thinkthere is a reason god puts the MP in our lives at pivotal points...we need a crutch of some sort....we ignite our passions...and ultimately we learn to be able to love and love ourselves...it's ironic that it is sooooo destructive to those around us and to even ourselves, yet we somehow come out of the fire a different person having loved and lost as hard as we have.

I find myself struggling back and forth with MW in the fact that I still care for her, though we have not been together in over a year and half. We talk from time to time, but it's mostly listening to her struggle through her life, her pains, her frustrations and I look at my life and I am okay with where I am.

I have my goal of getting my kids through high school and onto college. I have my goal of selling my home and downsizing and moving from suburbia to a small city and urbanizing my life. I have a goal of somehow morphing my career into other creative venues. I have my goal of living closer with my brothers as we all are starting to think about retirement..and eventually i hope I find it within myself to learn to love and be loved again without the pain of hiding.

I realize as I write this that there's a calm that I have not had in a very long time. I think many of us have ridden the storm and are now accpeting things as the way they are...and I think for me i have come to a peaceful place in my life without the drama, the highs and the lows, the pain, the never knowing one day to the next....and it feels good.

it just feels good

This entire site is a public forum, that means it is searchable by screenname or someone from the general public could stumble upon it and read it, but they cannot post without being a member. But it is a public forum, anyone can stumble upon it and read it or search on certain words and find the posts, so be careful not to divulge details if it could be harmful if they are found.

SD,

Would you please elaborate on "relatively hidden" as posts come up readily, though not near the top of google searches?

I realized a long time ago that being in a hidden relationship wan't what I wanted. I think it caused me to push my MM to change things and when he didn't I broke really bad and did some very bad things. Exposing our A to his wife was not something I would do in a normal state, but as a broken person I resorted to what ever I could because I couldn't stop seeing him willingly and couldn't keep being the other woman. As a result I forced what I didn't think I wanted by breaking his trust and he stopped seeing me. Not seeing me was at the time the most devastating thing I have ever experienced.

I don't know that I had a straw that broke the camels back. I think mine was as conscious decision not to wait for hime to come back and tell me he was getting a D, although to this day that is what he would have me believe. I was depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I forced myself to change that. I didn't want to be around people or do anything other than think about him and wait for him.

One day I woke up and said enough is enough and I am alone feeling this way. I still love my MM more than ever and think of him often but he is not by my side and does not see the pain I was suffering. I made a conscious decision to stop being depressed and forced myself to do things. As time passed it became easier and I actually began enjoying getting back out and doing things.

My very first attempt at getting back out and doing things didn't go well. I looked at every man and compared them to my MM. Then I had to say STOP! What am I doing here? Looking for a replacement? Then it dawned on me that I didn't want a replacement. I go do things now and enjoy things. If he does make good on that promise of changing his situation and comes to me one day saying he is getting the D I will evaluate the situation at that time and decide if I can trust him. As it stands now, his life was going on without me so why would I wait for him while my life was on hold?

I do still love him and probably always will but you know what? That is OK.