why?????? and a challenge for all of us!!!!!!!

Why have we all stopped talking here. we need the encouragement to move forward with our lives. I know we are either out here making good on our lives or we are not. If we are lets hear some of the good things here. If not lets see the posting on the other path were we support each other.

Everyone had been quiet for so long. Lets not let this support group fall out of touch. We are here and just because some of us were doing better it doesn't mean we can't still help others who have the same problems we have faced.

Lets get it together and be her on both avenues. This one for new beginnings and the other line of conversation for those who are still stuck in the turmoil.

We need each other and we can't let this site go for moving forward or helping others.

I challenge everyone to make a posting good or bad as soon as possible.

I know I for one have bounced and missed the contact of those on this site. I know I am not the only one. So let me hear what you have to say.

Okay!
Thanks MU!

love, Mandy

Lots of you have made some posts. Thanks, I needed it.

MU,

This is late, I know - but I'm glad to see this post by you, as I share your concerns about our group.

I haven't posted for some time due to a remodel job at my house requiring me to live at my parents, who have no internet connection. I went through a crash course of 'wi-fi" and where to find it, and got really friendly with the nearest coffee house with access to log on whenever I could. I'm back in my place now and back online and looking forward to being a participant in the group again.

I have so much reading to catch up on!!!!

Dulce

I've just felt pretty exhausted by the whole situation. I've often felt that until could pull my head out of the clouds and back into something that made sense that talking was just that alot of blah, blah, blah. Without any real action in the proper direction it all seems meaningless. Now I hear that Lisa has got some type of multiple postings under various alias' (screennames) and that sounds pretty darn whacked out if you ask me, not to mention manipulative. Just not comfortable anymore.

I hope the uneasy feeling Lisa has given the group does not cause anyone to leave. It does create some insecurity but there are a lot of good people here supporting each other.

Maybe we should stop all new accounts until the Lisa moves onto other things. I really don't want to lose touch with those of you here that helped me through some of the ruffest times of my life.

We can't let one make us all walk away.

....and I understand what you are saying MU. I don't know though, just speaking for myself here. I think sometimes that me continuing to talk about this A is a bit like beating a dead horse if you will. I think to myself "Songbird, just let it go, already". He and I are and have been in a NC period and it has been emotional yet healing and I pray that it continues indefinitly because my thought is I am forty four yrs old now and not getting any younger. I would love, love, love to share in a healthy relationship. This A has really slowed me down with trusting and now being stand offish towards men. I feel that I don't have any trust in men anymore which I realise isn't fair.

Songbird,

I fel the same way about women too and I wonder if I am better being alone AND I do feel like it is beating a dead horse. I think the consensus for all of us is: Why haven't we found someone like SD has? I think the answer has to be we must be happy with outselves first before we find happiness elsewhere. The toughest part of the after affects of the affair are the lingering feelings we have for our MW/MM. I am beginning to realize that they will always have a part of our heart no matter what. And no matter what we try to do it won't matter. i think we put so much effort in dealing with how to get rid of these feelings once and for all that maybe....just maybe a small portion will always be there and until we realize this we can't really go forward.

Songbird, you are just like the rest of us.... there is no manual out there telling us what is the perfect way of getting over this. We go out there and do the best we can with the tools we are given. i love you very much and you have done a good job of recovery...... keep it up.

Dulce,

DO NOT ask him about it at all. My MW had at the minimum a emotional affair with another man and it drove me nuts with anger. I tried to find out as much as i could about him online whether it was through myspace and or facebook. Hell, I MADE A FAKE ACCOUNT OF A FEMALE TO TRY AND PRY INTO HIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT! ( Yes, I did a Lisa...). What I hope you realize like I did is our actions are DEAD WRONG! We need to move on... no matter how hard it is. As long as we realize those actions are unhealthy and make us stay in the past and if we stay there we cannot like ourselves and/or move on. I love what SD and MU have done along with yourself....STAY BUSY...HELP OTHERS!!! Get involved!

We have a great core of people. Let's use each other to move on.

It is coming up on the one year aniversary of me and MM's first D-Day and I am having so many thoughts about him and have this really huge to desire to try to reach him. The last contact was around May or June (I think) All of a sudden he seems to be all I can think about and I am waking up crying over him and dreaming about him every night. I keep dreaming he is pushing me under the water and not letting me up.

MU, I so hope you can continue to hold on and not contact him. Maybe I shouldn't but I can't help but compare what you are experiencing to myself. I've been having spuradic (sp?) crying spells and feelings of hopelessness, thinking of MM from the moment my eyes open and from then on. I keep telling myself it's withdrawals and if I can just hold on that I will eventually stop feeling these emotional waves. Anyway, I'm sure you've heard it all before, you're a smart woman and you know the script. My heart goes out to you either way, because like yourself, been there done that. HUgs, SB

It's gotta be the weather........... We all seem to be feeling it again. I think there may be something to the "bio-rhythm" theory too. I cried today, on my way home from work. I have notice that if I'm a little tired or a little under the weather, I cry much easier. I was able to determine - or admit - that I feel incredibly lonely too, and I think that's the big hole MM left behind in my heart when he changed his mind.

At work, I was talking with two gentlemen I work with. One of them teased, "We really would like to know, what do women want...." Smiling, I teased back, "Well, I'll get right to the quick - what we want is for you not to be married....." Maybe that was "too much information", but that's how close to the surface this anguish is.. somehow, saying this acted as a catharsis for me.

My last contact with MM was the first week of September, but it seems like 6 months. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror at lunch today, and I was shocked at what I saw, I am aging so fast. MU, what is the anniversary date?.....so we can think about you -with you - on that particular day.

Dulce

The date is November 11.

I agree that it is the time of year. Family oriented holidays coming up, colder weather setting in, getting dark earlier. It is just so dpressing. I was telling someone else today that I am a water person and the change in season really slows me down to quickly.

I decided I needed to keep being involved in things. I joined a pool league and a bowling league. I also am volunteering to work with another lady to put to gether a breast cancer fund raiser. The thought is to make it an all day event and appeal to multiple age groups. You guys may have some ideas. I think I will start a new topic on her and ask for input.

MU,
you are keeping busy and that is very smart. Not to mention that the things you are doing to keep busy, could be beneficial in meeting other people. I admire you for finding activities to get you out and to keep your mind occupied.
Me, well, I'm just becoming a workoholic. Whew! (wiping my brow)

MU,

Not only are you keeping yourself occupied , you are literally turning "#### to gold" if you know what I mean.

Songbird, being a "workaholic" isn't such a bad idea, with all the forecasts of doom we're hearing.

November 11 - I'll be thinking of you....

Dulce

Thanks. I will make it through this just as we all will. I guess it is up to us how bad we allow our own pain to be. Sometimes it just hard to see past it, even seems impossible at times.

Hey Folks

I check in here all the time and read the post and I must say that I have those same feelings, I miss him more this past week then I have in a long time. I am still in love with him and seeing him everyday is sooooooooooooo hard. I know I have to let go but this time of year is so hard, I wish everyday that it was me he chose and I wonder why he didn't.

Katie

Hi Everyone, just wanted to say hello and that You are all in my thoughts. Not much to tell you at this time. I am working alot. MM has attempted to make contact with me on his route home from work in the evenings and I have taken on a second job five days of the week as well as my full time job. I am never available. This has been my saving grace, honestly, I am sure if I were not working I'd have fallen into the temptation. I e-mailed him since and gave him an assessment of this A and how I feel used, diappointed in myself, blah, blah, blah.. and this is pretty much how he took it, in one ear and out the other. He'll never take me seriously and why should he, I haven't shown myself any self respect so.... I just want to continue staying busy, unavailable and time will hopefully fade this A into a distant memory.In the meantime, I'll be checking in on you all. Wish everyone happiness... peace, SB

Hi Songbird -

It's the same for me - because of our work being so scarce right now, there is no choice in my not seeing MM. I am doing writing for a release and am reading a book on journaling, which is very comforting because the author focuses mainly on romantic heartache for examples and encouragement on journaling and letter writing, both sent and unsent.

I too have felt a deep demoralization associated with MM and our short but very powerful (for me) encounters. This demoralization is what stops me from circumventing the obstacles that keep us apart. Lately all I do is restrain myself, either from crossing his path to see him, or lashing out at him. I often feel my restraints are a thankless effort, that it only serves to protect him from his guilt so he can continue believing he has done the right thing, and I get tired and want to take it out on him. But that's not right or fair, and so I don't, and there I am again, practicing restraint. And I go 'round and 'round like this in my heart, from peaceful and loving to lashing out, which I would surely regret because I love him. I can't DO anything about it so I end up just STUFFING it. I seem to be on an emotional roulette wheel and I am praying that I will stop at a peaceful/loving place regarding MM.

Believe it or not I have been able to see and enjoy the attractiveness in other men. I cannot offer anything, though, until I can pass the test - if MM were to come for me, would I go with him? It's not fair to get involved with anyone else until I can easily answer "no", which I can't. Yet. But I am noticing, and that's a good sign, I think.

Take care,
Dulce