I can see the light

Hi All~

I have been reflecting a lot about Don's statements..and I have to say I am deeply moved by the progress...I think for many of us, we feel like we go backwards sometimes. I can say that for the longest time I felt like I would NEVER get out of this mess.

And slowly (and I mean S L O W L Y!) I got back on my feet. I realize how difficult it is to get over this thing. I have several friends who often wonder why or how i could get myself in so deeply. sometimes I have to say it's just like Viet Nam...you just had to fucking be there!

And for me...this is about building a better life for me and for my family. This recovery is THAT important to me! I know that some of you may be struggling or looking at me like I succeeded..all i can tell you is that every day now I thank god for helping me..and every day I thank you guys for helping me...and all I want to do is help back!

For a while, I let Lisa's games play on me...and then I got mad because she betrayed everyone's trust here. I almost feel stupid in that I let her back in thinking she's REALLY changed this time...only to find out how very mean she could really be.

My journal posts about my affair start way back in 2004...and my last entry was in May of this year...almost 4 full years of being consumed...and while some of the memories still play on me, I am reminded in my journaling that I was in constant pain. And I know that many of you are still in constant pain. I know that pain because I lived it.

The pain was and is still very real to me. I feel very violated by allowing Lisa's games play into that pain. i know she comes in here and reads many of our posts...probably as a sick game to her...but this is NOT a game we are playing...it's real recovery..and each one of you has a responsiblity to yourself, to your family, to your friends and yep..even to us to get back on track.

So, for those who think this is a game...pack those bags outta this room...and for those who are into real recovery and the joys of living a helathy normal life...keep positing away..we need you!

And once again, all i can say is thank you for helping through my darkest hours...I can finally see some light

I don't know SD. As a seemingly healthy minded adult. It puzzles me that you even have to make the statement to anyone here that this is not a game. Do people actually seek out sites like these because they are just bored and searching for something to read? It has been agonizing for me to not just lurk. It truly can be emotionally paralyzing and extremely diffcult for me to verbalize how this A has affected me.

SB~

the reason I did post that last statement was because of what Lisa did in terms of abusing this site and abusing those who truly believed her....I mean no ill will to anyone here and even Lisa.

Lisa is a very sick girl who preyed on our emotions to justify her own sick agenda..and that really disturbs me...

SB, i know how paralyzing an affair is...i do not mean to EVER minimize your pain or my pain..i mean if there is anyone else out there remotely as destructive as Lisa, then I hope that they would not do what Lisa has done...

I do not think Lisa was bored..I think she got carried away in her affair and became VERY angry when it turned out like most affairs do. Lisa is not someone who takes the word NO very lightly...in fact, as soon as she hears that word, her own agenda kicks in and causes grief to those around her.

i watched as she became argumentative at Toledo...and she even had herself join in as several other people to defend her actions..this disturbs me to no end...it is truly sick sick behavior.

I have had several emails of hers from sources and they are truly sick what she had planned to do to those who "got in her way!"

And Lisa, if you are reading this post..please do get some help....I find your thought process truly disturbing at best and i know what you are capable of...in oyur own words..total lunacy!!!!!!!!

SB -

I know it can be really difficult to put into words something you wish had never happened, as if by writing it down somehow endorses it and flaunts painful realities right at your aching heart. It's a part of us we don't want to see and it's really hard.

Writing can be cathardic - I know I've been using that word a lot lately but I've recently discovered the benefits of journaling, like accurately remembering the way something really happened and how it really happened. Journaling has spared me grief several times because I had rememberd something incorrectly. Had I not started my journal, I would have suffered for nothing. It does work in the oppoisite, too - there are times you're not so happy to see what really happened, and it forces you to be aware of that. This is the hard part.

The best part is that if you do manage to write about painful things, you don't have to look at them. Make a file, write it out, file it away and look at it when you are ready to....

Dulce