What does it take

Hi All~

I spent part of last weekend reading and re-reading some of my old journal entries as well as some of my earlier posts here...There are times when I think I have made NO progress, but I no longer have that pain that just sat with me.

The bad part is, i remember that pain so vividly that sometimes I just felt like it was normal to have it....and then I guess I just got tired of being tired...I think what keeps me tied here is that fact that I am soooo scared of falling backward at the first sign of weakness, that I am afraid you all will have forgotten me..

I do not take my recovery very lightly because of the intense struggles I faced with regard to my MW...and even to this day, I ask myself the real hard questions and I come up empty when it comes to MW...she was NOT there for me...i was ALWAYS there for her...at her beck and call...and how many times I gave up my time in the hopes of getting some of her time.....I will NEVER get that time back! And neither will you!

So what does it take for us to realize the sad reality of the situation....that the MP will pretty much stay RIGHT where they are....and that leaves it all up to us to move onward...

I am now drinking up my life and loving every minute now that I am in a healthy relationship...and in December she will meet the entire family!!!! We (me and new girlfriend)have faced some hard questions for me to answer regarding my relationship with MW...the thing I am now realizing, most of it played out in my head and my heart was right there with me!!!!!!

What does it take? It takes wanting to live and love again..and I am!

I know I will never forget you and will always keep in mind the things that you said to me to help me through this. Your time that you waited for your MW wasn't all wasted because it was during that time you helped most of us here. You may not have been able to help yourself at that point but you did help all of us.

Your still helping all of us and many of us are in that limbo that you had been in previously. We know our MP will not change their situation to be in the life that we want with them yet we are stuck on hold not being able to fully let go to move on.

I imagine that even when we do move on there will still be times that we think about our MP and it will still hurt because our hearts were extremely involved. But as time passes the painful memories will become less and less and maybe one day we get past all the hurting memories and only remember the fond ones.

Thanks for being there for us.