moving on

Hi All~

Well, my girlfriend met my family at a huge wedding (my nephew). We stayed at a posh resort on Jekyll island for the weekend and I proudly introduced my girlfriend to my family. Many family members came up to me and said I never looked so happy. They raved at how well my girlfriend looked and how she fit into the family (she has incredible wit..comes from a large italian family and I come from a large Jewish family)...

Needless to say, we had an incredibly romantic time (snuck out of the wedding under a huge spanish moss covered oak tree for some great smooching!) And as i lay in my own bed late last night, I was reminded of my Mw and for some weird reason I inserted her into the weekend in my mind...I reintroduced her to my family as the woman I am having an affair with....and that her family does not know she's here with me....and my weekend crumbled in my head...and it made things get into reality about how crazy it all was...

And then it hit me...I was finally getting real about my past...how the fact is or was that I could NEVER introduce Mw to my family...I could have never danced or had dinner or walked into a room with Mw...EVER!!!!!

On my trip home, my girlfriend and I talked along the way (a 6 hour car drive!) We had to pass right through Mw town....and of course the discussion turned to Mw (my girlfriend knows about her) The conversation got very uncomfortable for me as I got asked all the big questions...like WHY???? and for whatever reason, I actually got real with my answers....I CHOSE Mw because it was safe for ME! I chose Mw because I could have what I needed or wanted without giving ALL of me and without committing myself because I knew she could not commit!

And so, as we rolled into our hometown with my hand clasped in my girlfriend's hand almost the entire trip, i felt peace....no drama....an incredible love....(reflected on nights of passion with my Gf) and I realized that I am REALLY moving on. I realize that I am still in recovery because some of Mw memories are still in my head...but as with anything I am passionate about, it takes time to work through the issues...to work through the whys and why nots...and to know that I am living a good life now...one filled with REAL love and passion an a life I want to build with my GF....and I realize that I can really move onward with love still in my heart!