getting past the past

I feel like my world is finally opening up...putting my past in my past...and it has not been easy for me...it's been more difficult than anything I have ever done...to close the door to my relationship with MW...my memories...my past..in an effort to finally live in the moment..in an effort to finally start living for my future....

i know that there are some that may envy me, but all I can say is that if i did not start living for today, i was going to die for everything of yesterday!

I am finally in a happy place...and reconciling each day with those things that I have put aside during my affair with MW. I have no ill will, no bad thoughts...just a thought for me for the first time...I lived my life for someone who could not or would not make that time for me....

and with everyone's help i am just getting further from my past each day....I still feel like each day is a gift from god....and i am dedicated to help those who want to get past that pain. thank you all for your support

SD I am so happy for you. I have come a long way but still stuck in the past...everyday I still wonder why I had no closure everything was perfect then he was gone. I miss him so much, I still love him so much and I still have to see him everyday.

All the best to you in the New Year I hope 2009 brings us all peace and Happiness.

The reason you have no closure is because you don't want closure...yet. there are certain things that have to happen....one being that you WANT this to end....eventually you do get to a place when you realize that this is not healthy..it's THEN when you can take the steps. i know, i have been there and I have the T-Shirt to prove it!

I know I needed and wanted more from my life than MW was willing or able to give....I just wanted more..and that started the ball rolling...believe me, it was NOT easy!

With the help of my friends, therapist and the websites, and everyone here, i got through the pain and onto the other side...and I know this is a recovery effort, so I can fall backwards at almost any time..that is the scary part for me!

Good luck, and have a healthy, happy and sweet Holiday season!

Single Dad,
Do you believe that meeting this woman that could provide a healthy relationship had anything to do with your moving on from the MW and the past?

SB~

I think it had a lot to do with my moving on... I had gone to a "scripting class" about a month or two before I met my girlfriend. this scripting class had us write what we WANT out of life..sort of script your life so to speak.

I felt I had been living a scripted life anyway...I was really tired of being tired...i did not want to meet someone so much as I just wanted out of my hole that I dug...my friends were pretty much sick of hearing my shit all the time...

One friend said, JUST STOP IT! you are living a shitty life..look at the behavior you are modeling for your kids...and they were right...

It was such a shitty struggle for me to get through a day...then two then 3....and i would fall right back in about 2 weeks into my recovery...

Now i have things that I do to get me through the rough patches (and if you think you will never think about MP again, you are wrong...) I had to use all kinds of tricks..and some would work and some would make me crazy....

And i used to get this chatter in my head about MW....and I could not tell what was imagination, reality, memory, false memory.....i just grew tired of the pain....

And day by day I got to me again..and that's when I attracted my girlfriend...when I got just healthy enough to move on...

I had not slept with MW since Oct of 06..so it took me two years to get through this...and I still know I have a long way to go because the memory still haunts me.

But I can tell that I am more me now than I had been in over 4 years!!!! 4 YEARS folks...that's how long i was in it!!!

It's not easy..but if you really want a better life..you have to get up off your ass and just do it...as stupid as that sounds..just look at the time we can spend pissing away time we will never get back....get busy living!

YOu are right about getting off my a$$ and making changes occur. I know the fact that I work 12 hrs a day and live in a rural community is partly excuses. Just sticking to no contact would be a huge step in the changing of direction. I've given everyone else pep talks, advice and all and then my situation is a cycle that keeps coming right back around to point A. (((sigh))) So tiring and contradictory.

Greetings All,
I want to say that I wish everyone that reads this forum and or posts here the very best of joy and happiness throughout the Holiday Seasons. Sincerely and With Love, Songbird....

Thank you, Songbird, I hope this holiday season has been good for you. Good luck with maintaining NC. I hope you can work a little less this year, and make some changes that will make you happier... Although I for one know that is easier said than done! Wishing everyone here all the best for 2009 - I hope it's an easier year for everyone. With love and light, Veronica