the best part of recovery

Hi All~

It's been nice and quiet with everyone..and it seems like many of us ARE really making progress. Oh sure, you're still going to feel a little pain here and there..but the best part of recovery is when you look back and you can see the destruction, but when you look forward you can finally see a clear path..a new journey so to speak.

While I may still have a few pangs here and there, I no longer feel the desperation i once felt..the hopelessness of being stuck..and knowing i was heading down the wrong path. Some of my friends have noticed the nice change..others still cannot understand why i was so stuck on MW...

It's hard now for me to explain..but I guess i filled my life full of rationalizations that I just could not get past where I was. I was hooked on MW. I kept reliving our "moments together" and after D-day, i was just trying to relive those glory days...

the rest, I filled in with thoughts of who I thought MW would be to me and my life. the fact was and is, she is married, she lives 90 miles away, she has a family, and her lifestyle and my lifestyle do not necessarily connect on a daily level.

I do not have any ill will to MW....only good positive thoughts that she get through her marriage in the way that will be best for everyone. Unfortunately, I got caught in the middle of their problems. I put myself smack dab right in the middle of another marriage...like if they were sitting down for dinner, it would be like me taking a seat and eating their food...and then taking MW upstairs while the husband did the dishes...Pretty shitty thing for me to do I think!

That was me with NO boundaries...no thought of anyone but me...how rude of me to do something like that and expect their family to just deal with it while I had my fun at everyone's expense. Oh sure, we can put blame on MW, but really i cannot. I have to be accountable for MY own actions.

And since I have taken a new path, I am still not judging anyone who is involved in an affair other than to help them get out and get through it. I am finding that something literally goes wrong in the brains of affair partners...we start building great rationalizations and trying to live out a movie of the week love story.

The REALITY of all of this is that I am seeing who i was..this half crazed man wanting and needing MW like water from being in the desert too long! I almost don't know who that man was...but i fit the bill...so it was me! And now I can look at myself a little more objectively about the situation knowing that I got caught up in this frenzy situation...I almost liken it to group mentality...like when someone in a group starts throwing rocks, then a surge of violence ensues...and in an affair, two people start thinking that they can do whatever they want without regard to consequence, family, or friends...and that was me....almost like, "hey, i've got an idea...how about you and i sleep with each other, tell each other I love you and have NO responsibility...

Ok...so you get the gist of what I am saying here...all i can tell you is that I felt lost...like a lost soul...I just had no idea of right and wrong anymore..just go out and do whatever the hell I want....And I can recall the desperation of MW's husband calling me and telling me to STOP talking to her..and I would lie strraight faced to him and tell him nothing was going on...

Call this reconciliation day for me if you want...I'm not going to get all pity party on you, or even start berating myself..i'm just a man who lost his way and worked like hell to find it again...and i did find my way...and I learned that I CAN love again...to someone who is ready, willing and able to love back!

And THAT is the BEST part of recovery

I wish that I could tell you the nice and quiet meant good things. I'm just tired, very tired. I'm so overwhelmed that I can't expressit.
I have been transferred in my company to another town. Now, this isn't necessarily advantageous concerning the mm. He works in another town ,with another company.
I'm hoping that this transfer will give me other things to focus on though.
By the way, he and I are in yet another NC, by my request.

SB~

I posted this very same thing to Katie..and it seems befitting here too!

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Re: Hello All


by Admin Today at 3:35K~

I'm
really sorry you are still hurting. If you look back at where you were
this time last year or the year before, do you think you have made even
the slightest bit of progress to move forward with your life...

Afterall,
life is not going to come around again, so isn't it worth it, or aren't
YOU worth it to live it..really live it..go someplace, do something,
get a dog, a new hobby, a new goal....to go to a place you've not ever
been before, to see something you have never seen before or to do
something you have never done before.

In fact,
1. make a list of 5 places that you would love to see
2. make a list of 5 things you want to do (and it could be really simple like learn clog dancing) to driving across the country
3. Help 5 people
4. contact 5 people that you have not talked to in in over 5 years
5. make 5 crafts
6. plant 5 different types of flowers or shrubs
7. make a list of 5 restaurants you have never been to and over the next 5 weeks go to them
8. make a list of 5 people to cook for and host a dinner party
9. make a list of 5 books to read and schedule them over 5 months
10. make 5 new friends either through work, or through volunteering

Have fun and drink up life!!!