I feel very lost........

I cant believe it has been 7 month since I had any contact with MW and I miss her completly still. Maybe it is because I am feeling lonely and I have had no success dating either because the other women I have met don't compare to her either. I did something I havent done in over 6 months and that was drive by her house the other day AND last night and her vehicle is no longer there. I see a VW Bug and the Jeep Wrangler that sits in the driveway along with a broken down bus which needs work. So ofcourse I am mind fucking myself and thinking:

- did she leave her husband?
- If she did, did she leave with the other guy she met?
- did she just trade vehicles because of the rising cost of gas?
- Does she still think of me at all anymore?
- Did she just alienate me from her life altogether?
- If she is gone why hasnt she contacted me?

I remember back in May of 2007 when i told all of you at the other site I was going to break it off with her and when I did I never should have looked back or took her phone call because I knew it would end badly for us and I knew that I would in this position and state of mind if i didnt severe it completly. Well, I took her phone call when she called me and we began our dog and pony show over and over again.... resenting each other littlle bit more and more with every breakup and call back.

I miss her, I love her with all of my heart and I wish she could be out of my head for good.

I feel lost because I know what to do but forgot how to do it. I am also tired of being alone and not dating but dating someone right now may not be wise and i know that too. Sooooooooooo I think i just needed to vent and rant and cry and I have done that all. I love all of you very much.


Don

Hi Toledo,
I'm sorry things are still rough for you. Maybe if you could just try to keep busy with friends, going places and doing things for yourself. In fact, if you have some female friends that you could go to dinner with and just enjoy conversation with. This is what I have been trying to do anyway. I just hope things will get better for you. I told Mm that I was done with being involved with him. I still see him occasionally but it seems he took what I said seriously and is respecting my wishes. Can't say it hasn't been difficult because it has, however it's for the best, my best. Big hugs, take care.

Toledo,

Be careful. Sounds like you did the drive by at least twice. Each time you take a step in that direction your opening yourself up for just what you said a dog and pony show with a bad ending. It doesn't matter if she left or if she is still there she is bad for you. I know you love her and its much easier to tell someone how to do the right thing than it is to actually do it.

Something in your life made you able to get past seven months of no contact. You know what it was. Your were able to focus your interest in another direction. You know what changed that has taken you back to the thoughts of your MW. It may have been a temporary thing that you were able to change your focus for seven months but it was also a learning experience. You can make seven months and you can refocus. You have to reach deep in yourself and and as things are changing move forward not backwards.

You don't have to find another woman to move forward. Just find something to focus on other than her. Don't ask yourself these questions because it will only make you want to find out the answer. None of it matters. You made seven months and you can make longer. We love you and we are here for you.

I am sorry your are hurting, but I think that MU is right. Keep on moving forward! We will always have love, but that doesn't mean it will work, or that we should try.
Love,
Carolyn

You know..... I know we can never have any type of relationship again and i am OK with that aspect. I just know I lost my soulmate and I find it hard to see me finding anyone else who treated me the way she did when we were happy.

I so understand what you are saying! My MM just "gets me". It sucks. I am sorry honey. I really am.
Hugs and love,
Mandy

Hi All

I feel the exactly the same way still...after 13 months of no relationship. I truly believe I lost my soul mate too. He is at work everyday happy, now we have 2 new young girls hired and he seems to spend time chatting with them and laughing it reminds me of our time together. He even asked them today to help him with his Golf Tournament, I am so Jeolous...it still hurts as much as it did the first day he left me. But him and his wife are in the process of building a house now...so all must be good on the home front. I am going to a new counsellor tonight to see if I can get past this he seems like I think of him 24 hours a day. My heart hurts so much still and I don't understand. I think it is the fact that I see him everyday, I have to listen to him having fun, bragg about his great life. He looks so handsome everytime i see him and my heart aches for him. I haven't dated in over a year, he was the last man I was with or even kissed for that matter, it feels that no one will ever meet the standards I set him at.

Sometimes I feel that I am going Crazy but when I read here some of you still feel the same way I do...

I wish I never loved him, because the pain is to hard.

Sometimes we have to let go of love. It may feel like losing a soul mate but if it were truley our soul mate the relationship would have created the changes needed for us to be with them. Sometimes I wonder if the dependency we create in ourselves for them is what makes it so hard. While they are married we try to give them the security we are looking for and we may not realize how dependent that makes us. Kinda like a little kid giving up the pacifier. Some can do easily and others just can't let go. We are the ones who can't let go.

I started thinking about my MM and how things went when I became insecure. He would usually back away and be distant. To me that was making things worse. I wanted him closer. I couldn't understand why he would increase the distance already causing the problem. I even thought sometimes that he did this because he liked to be unhappy and couldn't understand why he wouldn't be close so we could be happy. Since then I think about it from the other angle. Why did I want to be unhappy. I kept doing the same things over and over just like he did.

I thought he was my soul mate but in reality I was only trying to make him be my soul mate and I was refusing to see that he wasn't. I still miss him and I still love him.

Messup you are so right, I have finally decided to go back to a new counselor and wow how diffrent I feel. She is doing breathing techniques with me that release emotions, sometimes anger my last session was very emotional for me but I felt better overnight... my next session is next Monday and she said it be very emotional and a very bad day for me. I don't care how bad it is I just want to get on with my life. B was never mine and never will be....he spends his days now with the new young girls in the office, i really think he is doing it to get my attention...but no more I am sick of playing games and my life needs to go on...this man has done so much to hurt me and continues to do so....I deserve to be happy and I vow to myself that I will be...I still love him and miss him but my counselor is making things clearer for me...I am very thankful to her for that.

Sometimes we need help to get outside what we are feeling and see it from a different perspective. Katie, it sounds like your counseling is helping you to do that. Maybe you can share some of the breathing techniques with us.

It is Ok to feel love for someone and to miss them as long as we are able to go on with our lives in the process.

Keep us posted on your progress.

I will be glad to share the breathing techniques with you...I cannot believe how good I feel it has been so long. I hope I don't relapse back into feeling sorry for myself, self pity, and low self esteem...we can't let these people control out lives.

I will share with you my session

First we talked about how I was feeling and how B made me feel and how he makes me feel now...I still love this man but it is time to set him free and more importantly set myself free. She told me no one can make me feel bad it is up to me to take control....she told me to lie down and get comfortable she laid my hand on my chest and the other on my abdomen and told me to feel how i breathe to breathe how I normally do...then she said i was a very good breather as most people under stress breathe my expelling their chest not the abdomen!!

Then she moved my hands to my side told me to close my eyes and I had to take really deep breathes, pushing my stomach out as far as i could for the count of 5 with the biggest breathes that i could take...as i did this she was talking to me telling me "to relax, feel the air moving in and out of your body, hear the sounds around you, take deeper breathes, etc....then she said now "let B go, feel you emotions, release B and take you life back" as soon as she said to do that I felt the tears in my eyes and I was in such a relax state up until she told me I finally had to let him go...I cried so hard. Still with my eyes closed I had to do my breathing but when it was over is told me that I had a lot of emotions held in...that as soon as she mentioned his name i lost it even my breathing changes...I have another Session on the 29th she told me it was going to be worst and new breathing techniques. I will share...everynight when i get in bed now I watch my breathing deep and full and it is so relaxing and I have to focus on something calming, soothing or relaxing...and it is working for me for sure. This week has been so good I finally feel free, i see B everyday but I have set him free or should I say set myself free...for the past 3 years I have loved B more that I loved myself and that isn't good I have to love myself first...This was my third counselor with and in only 3 sessions I feel like the old me!!!

Have a great weekend
Katie

Imagine loving someone and getting it in return....imagine introducing her to your family...imagine kissing her in public...imagine not getting hung up on when you talk with her...sound impossible..nope!

I am living proof you can have it all...and yes I do ocassionally think of MW...I loved her with all my heart..but now I have something more..it's not a replacement..it is totally different....but it feels so awesome.

My new woman loves me for me as I love her for her...and we can do it all out in the open...damn that feels so good.....no hiding..no games..nothing....just a boy who loves a girl and a girl who loves a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so lucky.......I know it..believe me I know it..but she feels adored, loved and lusted after and I strive to give her that EVERY day!

Please do not ever give up on getting what you want...you all deserve it....i know I deserve this....i worked hard to get to this place..and I love and adore Adrienne....if she only knew how hard I worked to get to this place...I know how hard I worked..and yes...I know I deserve this...not in an egotistical way..but in a way that means she has my heart willingly!

PLEASE PLEASE never give up on love....it really is out there for those willing to do the work...and you all are DOING it now..just please do not give up..that would make me sad...i want each and every one of you to feel this kind of love!!!!!!!

We are very happy for you SD. I keep hoping for all of us to reach this same level.

Katie -

then she said now "let B go, feel you emotions, release B and take you life back" as soon as she said to do that I felt the tears in my eyes and I was in such a relax state up until she told me I finally had tolet him go...I cried so hard.

This must have been one of the most difficult moments of your life. A long long time ago I went through a similar process and it was excruciating.

SD, this is a wonderful story and outcome - for all of us!! Thank you -

Dulce